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Remember when your worst nightmare was ending up like your mother … second to knowing she had sex (blech) this was the fear that kept us pushing our own path, had us saying (in our heads sometimes) I will NEVER treat my children like that and had us shaking our heads and averting our eyes in embarrassment when family gatherings got a little…rambunctious!
I am 8 years into mothering now… and ticking closer to 40 with every passing day. Part of me still resists being like my mother, while a large portion has already submitted to the genetic traits that have carved out my personality.
I stubbornly refuse to admit that all my strengths came from my mother, mostly just my weaknesses …. My strengths must be unique qualities that I developed! Right…
What I do hope for is that I will be able to smile and nod at my children as much as my mother does to me.
That I will challenge them at times, and when needed, fully support what they are doing.
I will show them what “too drunk” looks like once or twice, but also demonstrate control and a lust for life.
I want them to know I love their dad… and will confidently provide PDAs as a method of demonstration.
I will laugh, and be youthful and let them know that life is what you make of it.
I will give my children the chance to teach me a few things along the way as well (or at least let them think they did)
I will hope my children take my strengths and leave my weaknesses, or at least learn how to adapt to them. I will wait patiently for the day my children get mistaken for me on the phone, and when I can see my legs, my hair, my eyes on their bodies and hear my laugh in their voice.
And, I will learn to appreciate what my mother gave me… acceptance, understanding and an ability to welcome… anyone! I will (arrghh, it hurts to say this. The stubbornness must come from my German father) appreciate all the things other people appreciate about her. I will stop being embarrassed by her joyfulness at EVERYTHING. Maybe if I accept the good, she will be able to share the bad with me.
I will think less of myself this mother’s day and I will spend some time appreciating her… as much as I would like my children to appreciate me. I will remember that I am not just a mother… I am mothered.
This is the post I needed. Your first one made me feel very bad about my feelings toward my mother, and my desire to do it differently. But the truth is more reflected here, you want to be different, but being a mother also makes you appreciate how you were mothered.
Awe jess… well – you know me! Always an edge! Be the mother you want to be! Find your families values! Create little people you love! I bet my mom probably looks at my life in confusion wondering how the hell I became who I am … but we are what we are because of our past experiences and how we used them to grow! Our mothers, while they are a huge part of our life… are still just a part of it! There are so many other influences that shape us! Love you to bits lady! Next time I make you feel bad… bring over some wine!
Funny how it works in the other direction too. I learn so much from you, and Wendy. I could have been an outstanding Mom if I had known then what I know now! I guess that’s the nature of life.