‘Yes’. The Holiday Season is the season of ‘Yes.’ ‘Yes’ to shopping, baking, wrapping, decorating, visiting, hosting, driving, attending, etc. Seasonal goodwill inspires joy in saying ‘Yes’ – it sparks a flood of champagne bubbles filling our hearts knowing…thinking…hoping…our ‘Yes’ brings pleasure to other people.
Only does it? And does it bring joy to your own heart? So often I find myself and my clients in this holiday push-pull: the desire to please others…often at the expense of our own pleasure. What happens to holiday goodwill when it comes with added overwhelm from too many ‘Yes’s’?
Certainly, I am not talking about all aspects of the holiday season. This is a very personal internal dance, one that looks different from year to year even for the same person. ‘Yes’s’ may be super smooth and easy in some areas of your life, yet riveted with conflict and confusion in other areas.
What areas of your life are currently ‘pushing and pulling’ you this holiday season? Now, what degree are they each confusing, irritating, conflicted, or stressful? Where do they land on your scale of compromise: ‘dump’ versus ‘accept’?
For the items you are willing to ‘accept’ – maybe happily or not – these are the items that you could give or take, the ones you are not attached to being or doing. They are more frustrating than stress-filled. They are ‘do-able.’ They are smooth-ish ‘Yes’s.’
For the items than tend toward the ‘dump’ end of your scale, these are probably items that increase your stress substantially, representing things you are expected or even overtly pressured to do. They may have more zap to them because they trigger something deep inside you – they may test your values, send messages of unworthiness, and/or irk you with other people’s ‘shoulds.’ Possibly worse, they may be your ‘shoulds’ doing an internal push-pull dance on who you think you ‘ought to’ be and what you are ‘supposed’ to do. They set the tone for your ‘Yes’ button being pushed with regret, resentment, and repulsion. Hardly the desired sentiment of the holiday season!
Here’s where I’m going to suggest considering some possibilities – time to get list-writing! First, which of the ‘accept’ items are you happily content to say ‘Yes’ to? Second, which of your ‘accept’ items feel more expected than joy-filled for you? Which of these of them are tolerable as Yes’s’? Which may actually belong closer to the ‘dump’ end of the scale than you initially assessed? Be honest here! Third, what are your preferred ‘dump’ items? No one is looking, this is only for you – it’s OK to confess to yourself. We all have a list of items in our life we would like to reduce. Here’s your opportunity to name them.
With your lists in hand, are you ready to lighten your holiday load? Of the items on your ‘dump’ list, which ONE thing are you willing to say ‘No’ to? Indeed, it’s time to change your language from ‘Yes’s’ to ‘No’s’ – your holiday will thank you for it! Again, I am not talking about all the items on your list. I am suggesting that you start with ONE item…one that you feel needs to go from your life, one that will make your holiday season more enjoyable by its absence, and one that you are willing to let go of with a ‘No’. What is your one item? Or better yet, what is your ‘No’ limit – the point when you have had ‘enough’? It’s time to set a boundary.
Sure, you may be off-put by the language of ‘No’ – you are not alone. So often when we are used to saying ‘Yes,’ ‘No’ seems so harsh. Only we humans are super clever at softening our ‘No’s’…so much that at times we end up back-tracking on our cushioned ‘No’ to discover we just re-accepted with a ‘Yes’! Definitely, please feel free to use whatever degree of gentleness (or not) that you wish to state your ‘No’…BUT keep it a ‘No.’ NO backtracking! If you feel you may backtrack, try a different item first – one you will stay strong with.
Sound scary already? It need not! This is ONE item of your choosing. You know yourself, so you select your degree of opportunity. You can start boldly with a big item that’s sucks the life out of you each holiday season…or you can aim for a smaller niggling item that’s a newer frustration…or anything in between. In the last few days before the holiday, with children off school, seasonal activities heating up, work at your heels, etc. where in your life are you willing to say ‘No’? Do it…say it…honour it!
What I am offering is not only permission (which some of us need to take action), but encouragement to make this holiday season a tiny bit more enjoyable for YOU! To please YOU! By saying ‘No’ to something, you are saying ‘Yes’ to you. Honour you by saying ‘Yes’ to yourself!
Starting this holiday season onwards celebrate the holiday you truly wish to enjoy with one less ‘Yes’ (or one more ‘No’) each year. Build your holiday boundary over time until you discover the holiday season YOU love to celebrate.
Wishing you the holiday season of your dreams!
Whitney McMillan, bestselling author of Rock Your Overwhelm: Live in Clarity, Balance and Freedom. Rock Your Overwhelm Author, Coach & Facilitator,
Heal Your Life Coach & Workshop Facilitator, Inner Wisdom Mentor, Business Coach
Website: www.whitneymcmillan.com
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